By Robert Bolar · Ivins, Utah
Updated · Research checked against original sources
If you’re in crisis right now, please reach out to someone today. In the U.S., you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline any time, day or night. Outside the U.S., contact your local emergency number or a crisis line in your country. Gratitude practices are not a substitute for help.
When life is going well, gratitude comes easily. When you’re grieving, sick, out of work, lonely, or exhausted, being told to “count your blessings” can feel dismissive, even cruel. This page is for those seasons. It offers gentler ways to practice gratitude that don’t ask you to pretend.
Gratitude is not toxic positivity
Toxic positivity means insisting on good feelings while pushing away hard ones: “Just be grateful,” “Others have it worse,” “Everything happens for a reason.” Healthy gratitude is different. It doesn’t deny pain. It looks for something good alongside the pain. Clinical psychologist Susan Albers, quoted by Cleveland Clinic, says it well: “Gratitude should make room for pain, not cover it up.” (Cleveland Clinic, 2025)
You can be grateful for a friend’s visit and still be heartbroken. You can appreciate your nurses and still be furious about your diagnosis. Both are true.
Gentle gratitude practices for difficult days
- Lower the bar to one. Not three good things. One. Even “I had a glass of cold water” counts.
- Start with the body’s basics. Breath, a warm blanket, a meal, a bed. These aren’t small when everything else feels shaky.
- Look for helpers. Who made today slightly easier: a nurse, a neighbor, a stranger, a friend who texted? Gratitude toward people often comes more easily than gratitude for circumstances.
- Notice what got you through. Instead of “What am I grateful for?”, ask, “What helped, even a little?”
- Practice “both/and” sentences. “This week was awful, and my sister called every night.”
- Skip days without guilt. If gratitude feels forced or makes you feel worse, set it aside. It will still be there later.
The hard-day prompts in our prompt collection are written for exactly these moments.
Gratitude and grief
Many grieving people find that gratitude for the person they lost becomes part of how they carry them: the lessons, the stories, the years together. That gratitude doesn’t make the loss hurt less, and it shouldn’t be rushed. When you’re ready, some people find comfort in:
- Writing a gratitude letter to the person who died, telling them what they gave you.
- Keeping a page of memories you’re grateful for, adding one whenever it comes to mind.
- Thanking the people who cared for them or for you, like hospice staff, friends, and neighbors.
During illness or caregiving
Long illness and caregiving can make every day feel the same. Short, specific gratitude can help you notice that small things still go right: a good hour, a kind nurse, a meal that tasted good, a laugh with your loved one. Thanking caregivers specifically matters too. In one experiment, a short note of thanks more than doubled the share of people who helped again. (Grant & Gino, 2010) If you’re the caregiver, write down one thing you did well today. That counts too.
If you live with anxiety or depression
Some people find gratitude exercises helpful alongside treatment. In one study of adults in counseling, those who also wrote weekly gratitude letters reported better mental health weeks later than those who didn’t. (Wong et al., 2018) But reviews find the average effects on anxiety and depression are small, and they recommend treatments with stronger evidence for these conditions. (Cregg & Cheavens, 2021) If a gratitude practice leaves you feeling guilty for not feeling better, that’s a sign to set it aside and talk with a professional. You haven’t failed. It just isn’t the right tool right now.
After a job loss or financial setback
Losing a job or income can shake your sense of security and identity. Gratitude here isn’t about pretending you’re lucky. It’s about noticing what still holds you up: people who send leads, a partner who listens, a skill you still have, a free afternoon to walk outside. Thanking the people who help with your search, specifically, also keeps those relationships strong. (Algoe, 2012)
Faith and hard times
Many traditions teach thanksgiving even in trial. If that’s meaningful to you, our Spiritual Thoughts on Gratitude share brief, verified passages from many faiths. If faith isn’t part of your life, gratitude for people, nature, and small moments is just as real.
When to reach out for more help
Gratitude practice is not a substitute for care. Please talk with a doctor, counselor, or someone you trust if:
- You’ve felt sad, empty, or hopeless most days for two weeks or more.
- You’re losing interest in things you used to enjoy, or struggling to get through work, school, or daily tasks.
- You’re sleeping or eating much more or less than usual.
- Gratitude exercises leave you feeling guilty or worse.
- You’re having thoughts of harming yourself. In the U.S., call or text 988 now, or call your local emergency number.
What to say (and not say) to someone who is struggling
| Instead of… | Try… |
|---|---|
| “Just focus on the positive.” | “This sounds really hard. I’m here.” |
| “At least…” | “I’m so sorry. What would help this week?” |
| “You should be grateful for…” | “I’m grateful for you. Can I bring dinner Thursday?” |
Not medical advice. This page shares general information from published research. It isn’t a substitute for care from a doctor or mental-health professional. If you’re struggling, please reach out to someone you trust or a professional. In the U.S., you can call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Common questions
How do you practice gratitude when life is hard?
Lower the bar: one small thing a day is enough. Focus on basics (rest, food, warmth), on people who helped, and on “both/and” sentences that hold the hard and the good together. Skip days without guilt.
Is gratitude toxic positivity?
Not when it’s practiced well. Toxic positivity pushes away painful feelings. Healthy gratitude makes room for them while also noticing something good. As psychologist Susan Albers says, gratitude should make room for pain, not cover it up.
Can gratitude help with depression?
Studies find small average improvements in depressive symptoms, and some people find gratitude helpful alongside treatment. But it isn’t a treatment for depression. If you’re struggling, please talk with a doctor or licensed counselor, and in the U.S. you can call or text 988 any time.
How can I be grateful while grieving?
Gently, and in your own time. Many people find gratitude for the life and lessons of the person they lost becomes part of remembering them. Writing a letter to them, or thanking the people who cared for them, are two ways to begin.
Sources
Every study below was checked against its publisher or PubMed record. Links open the original.
- Cleveland Clinic. What is a gratitude journal? Benefits and how to start (with Susan Albers, PsyD). Health Essentials. health.clevelandclinic.org/tips-for-keeping-a-gratitude-journal
- Grant, A. M., & Gino, F. (2010). A little thanks goes a long way: Explaining why gratitude expressions motivate prosocial behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 98(6), 946–955. doi.org/10.1037/a0017935
- Wong, Y. J., Owen, J., Gabana, N. T., Brown, J. W., McInnis, S., Toth, P., & Gilman, L. (2018). Does gratitude writing improve the mental health of psychotherapy clients? Evidence from a randomized controlled trial. Psychotherapy Research, 28(2), 192–202. doi.org/10.1080/10503307.2016.1169332
- Cregg, D. R., & Cheavens, J. S. (2021). Gratitude interventions: Effective self-help? A meta-analysis of the impact on symptoms of depression and anxiety. Journal of Happiness Studies, 22, 413–445. doi.org/10.1007/s10902-020-00236-6
- Algoe, S. B. (2012). Find, remind, and bind: The functions of gratitude in everyday relationships. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 6(6), 455–469. doi.org/10.1111/j.1751-9004.2012.00439.x