By Robert Bolar · Ivins, Utah
Updated · Research checked against original sources
A gratitude letter is a thank-you that goes deeper than a quick note. You write to someone who made a real difference in your life, often someone you never properly thanked, and tell them exactly what they did and what it meant. It is one of the most moving exercises in positive psychology, for the writer and usually for the reader.
How to write a gratitude letter in 6 steps
- Choose someone. Think of a person, living or not, whose kindness changed something for you: a teacher, a mentor, a neighbor, a nurse, a relative, an old friend.
- Write to them directly. Use “you,” as if they were reading it. Aim for about 300 words. Greater Good’s instructions suggest roughly that length. (Greater Good in Action, “Gratitude Letter”)
- Be specific about what they did. Describe the moment, the words, the action. “You stayed after practice every Tuesday to help me with my serve” is more powerful than “you were a great coach.”
- Say how it affected you. What changed because of them? Where are you now that you might not be otherwise?
- Tell them how you think of them today. Do you remember them often? What do you hope they know?
- Decide whether to deliver it. Reading it in person or by video is most powerful, but mailing or emailing it is wonderful too. Keeping it private still counts. See below.
Fill-in-the-blank gratitude letter template
Dear ____________,
I’ve been meaning to tell you this for a long time. I still remember when you ________________________________________________.
At the time, I was ________________________________, and what you did meant ________________________________.
Because of you, I ________________________________________________. I think about it whenever ________________________________.
I don’t know if you realize the difference you made, so I wanted you to hear it from me: thank you.
With gratitude,
____________
Gratitude letter examples
To a teacher
Dear Mrs. Alvarez,
You probably don’t remember the day in tenth grade when I told you I was dropping chemistry. You didn’t argue. You just asked if I’d try one more week and sit at the front. That week you explained things three different ways until one finally clicked. I passed that class, and then I took two more. I’m a nurse now, and I use what you taught me every single shift. I think of you every time I explain something to a scared patient a second and third way. Thank you for not giving up on me before I gave up on myself.
With gratitude,
Jordan
To a parent or grandparent
Dear Grandpa,
I’ve been thinking about all those Saturday mornings in your workshop. You let me use real tools and didn’t mind when I wrecked a board. You told me that “measure twice” was about more than wood. Last month I built shelves for my daughter’s room, and I heard your voice the whole time. I don’t think I ever told you how safe and capable I felt in that garage. I’m trying to give her the same feeling. Thank you.
Love,
Sam
To a friend
Dear Priya,
When my dad was in the hospital, you didn’t ask what you could do. You just showed up with soup and folded my laundry while I slept. You never mentioned it again. It was one of the hardest months of my life, and you made it bearable. I don’t say it enough, but I’m so grateful you’re my friend.
Always,
Kim
What research says about gratitude letters
- In a 2005 study, people who wrote and delivered a gratitude letter (the “gratitude visit”) showed the largest increase in happiness of any exercise tested, measured one month later. By three months, the effect had faded. (Seligman et al., 2005)
- Among adults seeking counseling, writing a gratitude letter once a week for three weeks was linked to better mental health at four and twelve weeks, compared with other writing or none. Only 23% of participants actually sent their letters, which suggests the writing itself may carry much of the benefit. (Wong et al., 2018) (Brown & Wong, Greater Good, 2017)
- Letter writers consistently underestimated how surprised and happy recipients would feel, and overestimated how awkward the recipients would find it. (Kumar & Epley, 2018)
- Gratitude letters also helped some children and teens, especially those who started out low in positive emotion. (Froh et al., 2009)
Effects in research are typically modest and vary between people. (Davis et al., 2016) Still, few habits are as likely to make two people’s day at once.
Delivering your letter, or not
- In person: Ask for a short visit without explaining why, then read the letter aloud slowly. Leave them the copy.
- By video call: Same idea, and great for long distances.
- By mail or email: Easier for shy writers, and it gives the reader something to keep. On the home page you can make a free gratitude card to go with it, then use the Email, Text, or Share buttons.
- Unsent: If the person has died, or contact isn’t safe or possible, write it anyway. Some people read it at a graveside, share it with family, or keep it in a journal.
Short thank-you message ideas
Not ready for a full letter? Try a few specific lines:
- “I was thinking today about the time you ___. It still makes a difference for me. Thank you.”
- “I don’t think I ever told you how much ___ helped me. I’m grateful.”
- “You probably didn’t notice, but when you ___, it changed my whole week.”
For workplace versions, see gratitude at work.
Common questions
What should I write in a gratitude letter?
Address the person directly, describe specifically what they did, explain how it affected your life, and say what it means to you now. Concrete details, like a moment, words they said, or something they did, make the letter powerful.
How long should a gratitude letter be?
About 300 words is a good target. That’s roughly one page, long enough to be specific and short enough to read aloud in a few minutes.
Do I have to send my gratitude letter?
No. Delivering it in person can be powerful, but in one study of counseling clients, only 23% sent their letters and the writers still benefited. Write it first, then decide.
Can I write a gratitude letter to someone who has died?
Yes. Many people find it meaningful to write to a parent, grandparent, or friend who has passed. You might keep it, read it aloud at a meaningful place, or share it with family who loved them too.
Sources
Every study below was checked against its publisher or PubMed record. Links open the original.
- Greater Good in Action. Gratitude Letter (practice instructions). UC Berkeley. ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/gratitude_letter
- Seligman, M. E. P., Steen, T. A., Park, N., & Peterson, C. (2005). Positive psychology progress: Empirical validation of interventions. American Psychologist, 60(5), 410–421. doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.60.5.410
- Wong, Y. J., Owen, J., Gabana, N. T., Brown, J. W., McInnis, S., Toth, P., & Gilman, L. (2018). Does gratitude writing improve the mental health of psychotherapy clients? Evidence from a randomized controlled trial. Psychotherapy Research, 28(2), 192–202. doi.org/10.1080/10503307.2016.1169332
- Brown, J., & Wong, J. (2017, June 6). How gratitude changes you and your brain. Greater Good Magazine, UC Berkeley. greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_gratitude_changes_you_and_your_brain
- Kumar, A., & Epley, N. (2018). Undervaluing gratitude: Expressers misunderstand the consequences of showing appreciation. Psychological Science, 29(9), 1423–1435. doi.org/10.1177/0956797618772506
- Froh, J. J., Kashdan, T. B., Ozimkowski, K. M., & Miller, N. (2009). Who benefits the most from a gratitude intervention in children and adolescents? Examining positive affect as a moderator. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 4(5), 408–422. doi.org/10.1080/17439760902992464
- Davis, D. E., Choe, E., Meyers, J., Wade, N., Varjas, K., Gifford, A., Quinn, A., Hook, J. N., Van Tongeren, D. R., Griffin, B. J., & Worthington, E. L. (2016). Thankful for the little things: A meta-analysis of gratitude interventions. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 63(1), 20–31. doi.org/10.1037/cou0000107